I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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