I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
