I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
