THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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