bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
