Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
