i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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