i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
