At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Houston, we have a blender
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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