I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
pray to the hookup gods
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
