i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
