do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize