I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
