she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
