So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
found the other keg... it's in the tree
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
