We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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