He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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