Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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