Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
