i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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