Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
