why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
