Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Hippo gnu deer
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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