I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I wish I could teleport
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
