dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My feet surprised me
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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