it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
