just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
