Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
