I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Randomize
