i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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