so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
