If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize