We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize