Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
