I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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