a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I see more hoeing in ur future
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