my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
