So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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