Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
