So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
