people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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