you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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