Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
