Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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