thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
