i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
