Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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