dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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