I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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