I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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