and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
