Its about making memories worth repressing
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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