i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
