Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
