I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
