i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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