I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize