She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
