the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
