I just made out with a guy for $7.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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