so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
