Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
