either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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