There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
cat food counts as protein by the way
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
