I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
