I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
