ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We need to get me chipped asap
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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