Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
