Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
