All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
