I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
