Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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