i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
