I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
