I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
