your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
