he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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