i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
