The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
a search helicopter?!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
