I want to walk on stilts...naked
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
