so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
